Adelaide: A Novel

Content Warning: This section discusses death by suicide, sexual violence and abuse, and the complexities of living with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder.

“Physically, Adelaide was held together—her thighbone connected to her knee bone, and so on and so forth—but internally, mentally, she was a mess of jagged, disconnected pieces, and she didn’t believe she was capable of putting herself back together. She didn’t want to die, per se, she just wanted to stop existing. Stop being. And, frightening as it was, Death felt like the only avenue by which to get there.”

Breaking up with Rory compels Adelaide into Confronting Mental Health Conditions she has been ignoring. Adelaide actively compartmentalizes her internal unrest throughout her relationship with Rory. She uses him as a way to bury her trauma and hide from her self-doubt but is faced with a despairing emptiness once he is no longer a part of her life.

“It had become a pattern. […] It had little to do with low self-esteem and everything to do with control. There were few things more intoxicating to Adelaide than locking eyes with a stranger, running her tongue along his bottom lip, and abruptly leaving the bar, or his flat, or wherever when she decided she was ready to go. Adelaide had found agency in her twenties that she’d lacked in her teens (that had been stolen in her teens, really), and she enjoyed using it.”

Adelaide’s dating patterns provide insight into her character. This passage of expositional flashback offers background information about how she perceives romance and her romantic self. She derives a sense of empowerment from the passing sexual encounters depicted in this passage. In turn, the passage creates a contrast between Adelaide’s romantic past and her romantic future with Rory.

“Rory made cups of peppermint tea, which they drank sitting cross-legged on his bed, whispering and giggling like children. They kissed and cuddled and talked as their noses touched. It was innocent, special—so unlike the interactions Adelaide was used to having with men.”

Rory’s self-presentation blinds Adelaide to his true character. He knows how to make a woman like Adelaide like him; he is charming and stands out to her. However, the innocent nature of their early interactions does not accurately convey Rory’s interest in a relationship. The passage thus foreshadows Adelaide’s disappointed fantasies.