Before I Let Go

Content Warning: This section of the guide discusses the novel’s treatment of child loss, stillbirth, pregnancy complications, depression, and suicidal ideation.

Much of Before I Let Go focuses on grief as both cause and consequence of divorce; grappling with it is key to Yasmen and Josiah’s future happiness and reconciliation. Their loss of both Byrd and Henry were key factors in Yasmen’s depression and Josiah’s emotional withdrawal. Honest reckoning with this emotional landscape is key to each of them understanding their responsibility for their divorce and what they truly need for their lingering emotional attachment to become a secure foundation for the future.

Ryan uses foreshadowing and description to introduce Yasmen’s and Josiah’s struggle with deep pain they cannot fully face. These struggles illustrate both the depths of their estrangement and their desire to recover. Yasmen looks at the floor of her restaurant, thinking, “[E]ven though the floor has long since been scrubbed clean, I still see my sorrow embedded in the woodgrain” (244). Later, from Josiah’s session with his therapist, the reader learns that Yasmen fell at the restaurant and her water broke prematurely, contributing to her son Henry’s stillbirth. Yasmen’s memories of that time still permeate her everyday life, a landscape of painful memories.