Brain On Fire

“Despite this premature cancer scare, I had remained nonchalant, some would say immature, about my health; I was about as far from a hypochondriac as you can get.” 

Cahalan is often characterized and remembered as a tenacious, detailed, clear-headed young woman, except when it comes to herself. This is one of several examples of Cahalan being aware that her denial of her health problems is a bad idea, yet she commits to this behavior anyway. It is this very behavior that puts her life at risk multiple times. The irony is that she applies her journalistic aptitude to nearly every issue in her life, except for her own health, which she often seems too scared to face.

“That was the last straw. Swiftly, I unbuckled my seat belt, yanked open the car door, and prepared to jump out of the car headfirst. Stephen grabbed the back of my shirt mid-leap, saving me from launching myself out of the vehicle.” 

Cahalan recalls one of her delusional thoughts with clarity with this quote. At the time she has this thought, she is in a car with members of her family and her boyfriend on the way to Dr. Bailey’s office. Cahalan recalls how she threw a tantrum and had to be coaxed into the car for a procedure she needed. Cahalan suffers from several intense and debilitating symptoms for quite some time, without really letting on to her family and boyfriend. Her coworkers and support network barely register that something is wrong with her, in part because Cahalan does an exceptional job of hiding her problems and pretending to be normal.