Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier

Companionate love, a term used by social scientists, refers to a type of love that is characterized by stability, commitment, affection, and mutual understanding. Brooks and Winfrey describe it as a “special kind of friendship” (141). They uphold companionate love as the ultimate goal of a long-term romantic relationship. They also distinguish this concept from that of passion, which is more common in the early stages of a relationship.

The authors define compassion in juxtaposition with empathy. They believe that in order for empathy to increase happiness for both the giver and receiver, it must be modified into compassion. The key difference between empathy and compassion, they contend, is that compassion involves an element of emotional toughness that allows people to feel others’ emotions without being overwhelmed by them, allowing them to take action.

Crystallized intelligence refers to a person’s accumulated knowledge and skills, which are acquired throughout their lifetime and are stored in long-term memory. Crystallized intelligence increases with age, and Brooks and Winfrey argue that this is a good reason why people should shift toward teaching and mentoring in their later years, as it can bring them more happiness and fulfillment than focusing solely on tasks that require fluid intelligence, which decreases with age.

Downregulation is the process of reducing or decreasing the intensity or expression of a particular emotion. It is a term from psychology that refers to the ability to regulate or control one’s emotions. Brooks and Winfrey use this term when discussing emotional self-management.

Winfrey and Brooks believe that an effective tool of emotional self-management is the ability to replace a negative emotion with a positive one. To illustrate this principle, they use the metaphor of caffeine, a substance that works by binding to receptors in the brain that would normally be occupied by adenosine, a neurotransmitter that promotes sleep and relaxation. For particular emotions or experiences to provide “emotional caffeine,” they need to replace what would normally be negative emotions. The authors believe that gratitude, laughter, and hope can all serve as emotional caffeine.

Emotional self-management refers to the ability to recognize, understand, and regulate one’s own emotions. Brooks and Winfrey explore different approaches to emotional self-management, namely metacognition, “emotional caffeine,” and focusing less on the self and more on others.

The authors define empathy as the ability to feel and understand the emotions of others. They caution that empathy is not always useful and that it can even be harmful. They believe that for empathy to be effective and sustainable, it should be converted into compassion, which involves not just understanding someone’s emotions, but also taking action to alleviate their suffering or support them in some way.

Winfrey and Brooks define enjoyment as one of the three “macronutrients” that constitute happiness. They distinguish enjoyment from pleasure, which they view as a more primal and fleeting experience. They believe that enjoyment is essentially pleasure coupled with communion and consciousness.

Extrinsic rewards are external rewards or reinforcements that are awarded to individuals for their behavior or performance. The authors discuss extrinsic rewards when talking about work. They argue that extrinsic rewards such as money, promotions, or recognition can be effective in motivating individuals, but they should not become a person’s sole focus in life. Instead, they recommend looking for intrinsic rewards in the context of work.

Fluid intelligence is a type of intelligence that involves the ability to think flexibly, solve problems, and adapt to new situations. This intelligence peaks during early adulthood and gradually declines with age. Brooks and Winfrey reference fluid intelligence in the conclusion of the book. They encourage middle-aged and older people to use their crystalized intelligence, or accumulated wisdom, to teach others, as this practice can naturally increase their happiness even as their fluid intelligence declines.

Brooks and Winfrey believe that most people struggle to define happiness. The authors provide an analogy to express this idea, stating that if happiness is like a delicious meal, then what people describe when they attempt to define happiness is the smell of the meal, not the meal itself. These descriptions of happiness are often the evidence—the conditions, feelings, or sensations—of happiness; they are not happiness itself. The authors argue that happiness is not a feeling. Moreover, they contend that happiness is not a destination or a fixed point that can be reached. Rather, they define happiness as a direction, or a way of living and being in the world. They believe that people should not strive to be happy, but rather to become happier—to increase their overall level of happiness and well-being over time. They characterize happiness as consisting of three “macronutrients”: enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose.

The “hedonic treadmill” refers to the fact that individuals’ level of happiness and well-being returns to a baseline level after experiencing positive or negative events. Brooks and Winfrey define it as a psychological phenomenon “in which we adapt quickly to good things and have to keep running and running to keep feeling satisfaction. This is especially true with worldly things like money, power, pleasure, and prestige (or fame)” (11). In other words, the hedonic treadmill suggests that external circumstances or events have a temporary impact on happiness, but they do not lead to long-term sustained happiness or well-being. This idea supports the authors’ focus on emotional self-management as well as Individual Agency as a Key to Happiness, since they believe that individuals have control over their own happiness and well-being regardless of external circumstances or events.

Winfrey and Brooks define hope as “a conviction that one can act to make things better in some way” (63). They contrast this with optimism, which they believe is a state that can lead to unhappiness rather than happiness.

Intrinsic rewards are those that have an internal source and are related to personal satisfaction and fulfillment. Brooks and Winfrey discuss intrinsic rewards when exploring the topic of work. They believe that focusing on intrinsic rewards in the context of work leads to greater happiness than focusing on extrinsic rewards.

In the PANAS, or Positive and Negative Affect Schedule, Judges denote a quadrant of individuals who score low on positive affect and low on negative affect. Compared to other people, they tend to be emotionally neutral or relatively unaffected by both positive and negative emotions. In the book, Winfrey identifies herself as a Judge.

Winfrey and Brooks describe different career paths when discussing work, and they identify a linear career path as the most traditional type. Linear career paths are characterized by upward progression and clear steps or milestones along the way. Those following this type of path only move to the next step if it provides more money and higher status.

The authors consistently use food metaphors to describe happiness. They define happiness as consisting of three macronutrients, just as all food is comprised of fat, carbohydrates, and protein. They believe that the three macronutrients, or major building blocks, of happiness are enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose.

In the PANAS, or Positive and Negative Affect Schedule, Mad Scientists denote a quadrant of individuals who score high on positive affect and high on negative affect. They tend to experience a wide range of emotions, both positive and negative, in their daily lives. In the book, the authors identify Brooks as a Mad Scientist. They note that this type is complementary with Winfrey’s type, which is a Judge.

Metacognition refers to the process of thinking about one’s own thinking. Brooks and Winfrey describe metacognition as one principle of emotional self-management. They believe that engaging in metacognition, or reflecting on one’s own thoughts and emotions, can lead to better emotional self-management and ultimately contribute to happiness. The authors argue that even though emotions are natural and automatic, people can choose how to react to them through metacognition.

Negativity bias refers to the tendency for negative information or experiences to have a greater impact on one’s thoughts, emotions, and overall well-being compared to positive information or experiences. Brooks and Winfrey note that this tendency evolved in humans because being hyperaware of potential threats and dangers in the environment confers a survival advantage.

The authors define optimism as a general belief that “things will turn out all right” (63). They contrast optimism with hope, which they describe as a more active and intentional mindset: the belief that one can act to bring about positive outcomes.

PANAS, or Positive and Negative Affect Schedule, is a psychological assessment tool used to measure an individual’s positive and negative emotional states. Brooks and Winfrey reference it when discussing happiness and unhappiness. The authors explain that, contrary to popular belief, happiness and unhappiness don’t exist on a spectrum; they can coexist. In the PANAS model, all people have a general baseline mix of positive and negative affect, or emotion.

While the authors contend that unhappiness can be a useful emotion that alerts people to things that need to change, they also believe that pessimism is detrimental to overall well-being. They note that pessimistic people, rather than noticing “actual threats,” tend to “invent threats” (61). Moreover, pessimism leads to isolation and avoidant behavior.

Winfrey and Brooks define pleasure as “feeling good” (8). They distinguish this from enjoyment, stating, “Pleasure is animal; enjoyment is completely human” (8). They therefore argue that enjoyment, not pleasure, is a crucial key to happiness. Enjoyment consists of pleasure refined by communion and consciousness; it involves intentionally connecting with others. The pursuit of pleasure, on the other hand, can lead to addictions and maladaptive behaviors.

In the PANAS, or Positive and Negative Affect Schedule, Poets denote a quadrant of individuals who score low on positive affect and high on negative affect. Brooks and Winfrey note that while this outlook may seem gloomy, Poets serve a useful function in society, for they generally notice what is wrong and can spot potential threats or dangers in their environment.

The authors characterize purpose, or meaning, as a macronutrient of happiness. They believe that purpose is often found in suffering.

Brooks and Winfrey describe satisfaction as a macronutrient of happiness, along with enjoyment and purpose. They say that satisfaction comes from achieving something that one has worked hard to obtain. They note that satisfaction is inherently fleeting.

Spiral career paths refer to nonlinear career trajectories in which individuals move between different roles or industries throughout their professional lives. The authors describe this type of path when discussing work, noting that linear career paths are not the only valid pattern of progress.

Steady-state career paths refer to trajectories in which, rather than pursuing upward advancement or frequent job changes, individuals maintain a stable position or role within a specific industry or organization for an extended period, thereby increasing their experience and mastery. Brooks and Winfrey describe this type of path when discussing work, noting that constant promotion and advancement is not the only way to have a successful and fulfilling career.

Transitory career paths refer to trajectories in which individuals move between different roles or industries for short periods of time. While this may seem chaotic from an outside perspective, the authors believe that these types of paths can provide variety, fulfillment, and growth.

The triune brain refers to a theory proposed by neuroscientist Paul D. MacLean that suggests that the human brain is composed of three distinct parts: the reptilian complex, the limbic system, and the neocortex. This theory has been widely debated and criticized, and although it has been largely debunked, Brooks and Winfrey still argue that it is useful to think of the brain as serving various functions related to survival, emotions, and higher cognition.