Bye, Baby

“I’m not a baby person. I used to assume I’d become one, eventually, like most of the girls-turned-women I’ve known in my life, their voices rising in pitch at the sight of a chubby baby arm, the creased rolls of a tiny wrist cuff. I kept waiting for it to happen. But it hasn’t. I am thirty-five years old, and I’ve never felt that particular tug.”

Here, Billie describes her disinterest in becoming a mother. At the age of 35, she feels she must explain and justify her intention to remain childless in the face of societal expectations. Through Billie’s character, the novel explores how women who choose to remain childless are frequently pitied or perceived as unnatural. Lovering presents two protagonists who represent opposing attitudes to parenthood. While Cassie is fulfilled by becoming a mother, Billie enjoys the freedom of life without the responsibility of children. Both positions are represented as equally valid.

“How pathetic that I actually take pleasure in this: drinking alone while watching my best friend on earth—who has all but stopped speaking to me—narrate her life on Instagram.”

Lovering explores the psychology of social media in Billie’s unhealthy addiction to watching Cassie’s Instagram posts. The paradoxical nature of social media is emphasized, as Instagram allows Billie to remain connected to her old friend while simultaneously feeling rejected and alienated.

“With Billie, it’s more complicated than that. It’s anxiety. Mild distaste. A discomforting, aged-out kind of love, and something else fraught. Billie just doesn’t get my life. As the years have passed, the gap between us has only grown wider. Now we exist on separate islands.”

The complexity of Cassie’s feelings about Billie highlights The Shifting Dynamics of Friendship. Cassie admits to feeling a residual love for her childhood friend. However, her use of vocabulary such as “fraught” and “anxiety” suggests she also associates the relationship with conflict and unease. Cassie is more comfortable with newer friends, such as McKay, who are only familiar with the carefully curated version of her persona. By contrast, Billie knows the real Cassie and reminds her of a past she would rather forget.