Cost of Living

“The shit that happens is not to be understood. That’s from the Bible. The shit that happens to you is Not To Be Understood.”

Eddie endeavors to mask the desolation he feels from his devastating personal losses. In the opening lines of the play, Eddie announces that he will not wallow, and that he will have faith that there is a divine reason for his suffering. He continues to seek this connection to faith, and though he receives no confirmation, his actions lead him to finding Jess.

“I leave the lights on now, every room. Smoke signal: I’m still here.”

The constantly blazing lights in Eddie’s apartment are his own way of avoiding gloom. Eddie is afraid of disappearing because he feels completely alone; he tries to avoid laying on too much emotional weight and driving away the stranger in the bar. Eddie is afraid to trust that anyone who sees him completely will want him to stay.

“But everyone what’s married there’s, y’know, the fuuuuuck days. Like, fuuuuuck what did I do. What did I actually fuckin do here. Cuz, y’know, you married a person. And a person’s gonna be a person even if they’re married. That’s a lesson. That’s a lesson for yer LIFE right there.”

When talking about his wife, Eddie avoids the main conflicts that drive their past—their separation and her accident. Whether he is editing for the stranger or for his own sake, he boils their issues down to forgetting that Ani’s feelings and dreams were as real and important as his own.