Dinners With Ruth

Dinners with Ruth: A Memoir on the Power of Friendships is a 2022 book by author and National Public Radio (NPR) correspondent Nina Totenberg. In her work, Totenberg reflects on her long-lasting friendship with Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, discussing their personal and professional highs and lows across their 50 years of friendship. Through a personal and confessional tone, Totenberg reveals the sexist, inhospitable work environments both she and Ginsburg faced as they began careers in journalism and law in the 1960s and 1970s. She also celebrates the supportive relationship they formed with each other and other women colleagues, exploring how these relationships helped them progress as people and professionals. Totenberg hopes that her memories of her relationship with Ginsburg remind readers of the value of friendship and instill a desire to continue to cultivate strong bonds in their own lives.

This guide refers to the Kindle edition of this work.

Summary

In her Prologue, Totenberg explains that she was close friends with Ruth Bader Ginsburg, whom she refers to simply as “Ruth,” for over 50 years. While both women are well-known for their successful careers—Bader as a Supreme Court Justice and Totenberg as an NPR radio host—the author emphasizes that they did not bond over work, always keeping firm boundaries between their work obligations and their relationship with each other. Instead, their friendship was based on their shared appreciation of music, shopping, and food, as well as their healthy reliance on each other while navigating through difficult times. In her first chapter, the author describes Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s childhood growing up in New York City, and compares Ginsburg’s experiences to her own. She reflects on the sexist discrimination and harassment they both faced in the workplace in the 1960s and 1970s. Totenberg was one of few women journalists at the publications she worked for, while Ginsburg could not find work at private law firms in spite of her flawless academic record. She instead became a law professor and was at the forefront of the women’s rights campaign to repeal laws that discriminated against women.

In Chapters 2 and 3, Totenberg explains how she and Ginsburg first met over the phone to discuss a Supreme Court case that Ginsburg had written a brief for. Totenberg was impressed with Ginsburg’s intellect, and Ginsburg continued to help with her research; the two also quickly connected over their shared interests. In spite of sexist bias in their workplaces, Totenberg and Ginsburg progressed in their careers; Totenberg began working for NPR, while Ginsburg left her position at Columbia University to begin work as a federal judge in Washington, DC. In Chapter 4, the author reflects on meeting and falling in love with her first husband, Senator Floyd Haskell. Totenberg married Haskell; the couple decided against having children, and Totenberg was pleased to continue focusing on her career in journalism. In the following chapter, Totenberg explains how her circle of friends, including Ginsburg, helped to support her when Floyd’s health was impacted later in life. Totenberg credits Ginsburg for her advice and support in helping her to cope emotionally during Floyd’s long illnesses and passing.

In Chapter 6, Totenberg explains that her and Ginsburg’s respective careers continued to grow in parallel, with Ginsburg earning a position as a federal judge on the District of Columbia Circuit, while Totenberg continued to cover these cases, as well as those of the Supreme Court. In the following chapter, Totenberg explains how Clarence Thomas’s nomination to the Supreme Court led to her biggest and most controversial story. In the midst of Thomas’s confirmation hearings, she interviewed Anita Hill, a law professor who had accused Thomas of sexual harassment; she broke the story of Hill’s accusations on NPR. Thomas was eventually confirmed as a Supreme Court Justice, but many Republican politicians were furious with Totenberg for what they perceived as an attempt to sabotage their selection for the Court. In Chapter 8, “Supreme Friends,” Totenberg recalls both President Clinton nominating Ginsburg to serve on the Supreme Court and Ginsburg’s elation at being selected. Once confirmed, Ginsburg became the second woman to serve on the Supreme Court, forming a close working relationship with Sandra Day O’Connor, the first female Supreme Court Justice.

In Chapter 9, Totenberg recalls her unlikely friendships with Justice Antonin Scalia, who was also a close friend of Ginsburg, and Ted Olson, a lawyer. Despite their political differences, these friendships flourished. In the following chapter, “Friends in Joy,” the author describes meeting her second husband, David, and how supportive Ginsburg was even while going through cancer treatments. In Chapter 11, Totenberg shares more about her friendships, namely with Justice William J. Brennan, and her new husband’s deepening bond with Ginsburg and her husband, Marty. Chapter 12 explores the challenges in Totenberg’s friendships, such as her friend Cokie’s first bout with cancer, and Marty Ginsburg’s decline in health and eventual passing, both of which affected Totenberg deeply.

In Chapter 13, “Fame and Friendship,” Totenberg relays how Ginsburg’s growing fame affected her life and their friendship, noting that, despite her reserved personality, Ginsburg embraced the attention and accepted that she was a role model to many. She also became more outspoken, using oral dissent as a way to express her disagreement with some Supreme Court decisions. In the following chapter, Totenberg admits that her position as a journalist sometimes strained her friendship with Ginsburg, but they always moved past it. She explains why Ginsburg wanted to continue serving as a Supreme Court Justice after Obama’s presidency, a decision she regretted when Donald Trump was elected. In the next chapter, Totenberg remembers how Ginsburg determinedly fought her many illnesses, trying to stay alive until Trump was out of office. Totenberg worried for Ginsburg, while also grieving for her friend Cokie, who passed away during this time. In Chapter 16, Totenberg reveals that her father’s prized violin had been stolen decades earlier, and when the FBI recovered it, the whole Totenberg family was thrilled; the author felt that she had been symbolically reunited with her deceased father. In her final chapter, “Farewell to my Friend,” Totenberg recalls how, in spite of her failing health, Ginsburg often visited her for dinner during the pandemic. She passed away on Rosh Hashanah. In Totenberg’s Epilogue, she accuses the Supreme Court of being more partisan and divisive than in the past and laments that the collaborative and respectful relationships that Ginsburg developed with her colleagues seem to be a thing of the past. Totenberg concludes her work by renewing her commitment to optimism, crediting Ginsburg and her other close friends with inspiring her with their positive approaches to life.