Finding Me: A Memoir

“And though I was many years and many miles away from Central Falls, Rhode Island, I had never stopped running. My feet just stopped moving. […] This is the memory that defined me. […] It is a powerful memory because it was the first time my spirit and heart were broken.”

Viola recalls a time from her childhood when she ran home every day to escape bullies. Despite the fact that she eventually learns to stand up to them, it is the running that becomes a defining memory for her. It indicates how deeply she was impacted by the different kinds of trauma and adversity that she experienced in childhood, a significant portion of which was related to her Blackness. This feeds into the theme of The Relationship Between Race and Adversity.

“As much as I try to chisel into MaMama to get at the core of who she is, I never can. There are decades of suppressed secrets, trauma, lost dreams and hopes. It was easier to live under that veil and put on a mask than to slay them.”

Viola describes her attempts at getting her mother to open up about her deepest desires and feelings. She reflects on how it is difficult to do so, as Mae has suppressed her hopes and desires owing to the trauma and lack of opportunity she experienced growing up. It is a conscious choice on Viola’s part to break out of the cycles of trauma that have existed in her family. Her journey also leads her to eventually make peace with who her parents are and how they did the best they could with what they were given; this passage points to that understanding.