Group: How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life

Group: How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life (2020) is American author Christie Tate’s debut memoir about her journey through group therapy, mental health, and self-acceptance. Throughout the memoir, Christie joins three therapy groups and works through childhood traumas, career transitions, and unsuccessful relationships in a supportive group setting. Group was a New York Times bestseller and appeared on Amazon and CNN’s Best Books lists of October 2020.Tate, a lawyer, attended 19 years of group therapy before publishing this memoir about her experiences.

Content Warning: This guide contains descriptions of suicidal ideation, self-harm, and disordered eating that are part of the original text.

This study guide uses the 2020 paperback edition.

Summary

To maintain consistency with the source text, in this study guide, “Tate” will refer to the author, and “Christie” will refer to her representation as the memoir’s protagonist.

Group: How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life begins with a life-threatening situation. Christie Tate has learned that she is first in her law-school class and concludes that her intense focus on work means that she will die alone. She went into law to completely immerse herself in work because forming relationships was too scary. Upon realizing this, she has suicidal ideation for the first time. A recovering bulimic, she seeks help at a 12-step program and is invited to dinner by a fellow attendee named Marnie. Christie thinks that Marnie is doing quite well and asks what her secret for success is. Marnie recommends her therapist, Dr. Jonathan Rosen. Christie is intrigued, but she knows one of her ex-boyfriends, Blake, used to receive therapy from Dr. Rosen and is worried about what he may already know about her and her sex life. However, she needs help badly enough to schedule an appointment.

At first Christie only sees Dr. Rosen, but after three sessions, he invites her to join a group. Again, Christie is hesitant, but she comes to a meeting with Patrice, Marty, Carlos, Rory, and a man Christie calls Colonel Sanders. Marty is also new to this group. Most of her fellow group members have romantic partners, and Dr. Rosen gives them prescriptions and assignments to increase their intimacy. Christie is jealous of these assignments, as she only has a few dates during Part 1 of the memoir. She does have small assignments, such as telling an attractive man she's a “cocktease” (58), but in general, Dr. Rosen helps her with other aspects of her life, like accepting a job at a high-powered law firm, Skadden.

Dr. Rosen helps Christie confront two of her biggest demons in this first group. As a recovering bulimic, she has unusual eating habits and a practice of eating in secret, as eating is associated with shame for her. Dr. Rosen prescribes calling Rory every day to report Christie’s food consumption to her, bringing those eating habits into the light. Dr. Rosen also invites Christie to discuss a traumatic event that happened in her childhood. The summer before her freshman year of high school, she went on a Hawaiian vacation with a friend’s family. Her friend’s father, David, dies after getting swept under by the undertow. Christie witnesses this; she even helps to try and revive him when they drag his body to shore. Dr. Rosen helps her understand that the aftermath of the accident led to her internalizing her grief and feeling pressure to act normal. This has proven detrimental to her ability to emotionally connect with others.

Dr. Rosen invites Christie to join an all-female group that includes Marnie, the woman who first referred her to Dr. Rosen. Christie goes in feeling confident, but during her first session, there is a conflict between Marnie and another group member. However, the two women are able to reconcile their differences. All of this is new to Christie, whose family never openly argued. Christie admits her discomfort, and Marnie says she wishes she’d been consulted about Christie joining the group. However, by the end of this meeting, they too are able to reconcile.

Christie dates a series of men, each of whom has a different issue. Jeremy, one of Dr. Rosen’s patients, is depressed and uninterested in sex. “The Intern,” a man from Christie’s law firm, is sexually interested in Christie but decides he wants to marry another Jewish person and breaks off their relationship. Alex is a triathlete, whom Christie tries hard to please. After not responding to her “I love you,” he eventually breaks up with her.

In the meantime, Christie join Dr. Rosen’s advanced group, which has been meeting for years. After her breakup with Alex, Christie begins a relationship with Reed. Most members of the group beg Dr. Rosen to forbid their relationship, but he refuses. Eventually, Christie realizes that Reed will never leave his wife and decides to end it.

Christie meets a man named Brandon on Match.com. He is accomplished and interesting, but he flips her over and enters her from behind during sex, which she does not enjoy. However, she can’t express her feelings about it. Brandon forbids her from discussing him during group, which increases Christie’s isolation and leads to a self-harming incident during a group session. They date for almost a year until Christie learns that he has plans to go to Cancun with another woman and breaks up with him.

Finally, Christie starts dating John, a man from work. They have an immediate connection. Christie is able to establish good boundaries and advocate for herself, and after several months of dating, they get engaged. Before they marry, Christie learns that she is pregnant and is excited to have the family that felt impossible when she began her journey. She and John have a beautiful wedding filled with guests Christie has met during group therapy. Getting married was always the objective of going to group; however, Christie continues to see Dr. Rosen after the narrative ends.