How to Win Friends and Influence People

Everyone wants to feel appreciated and important. They yearn to be acknowledged for their good qualities—that they’re good at their job, have a lovely family, tell great stories, play an instrument beautifully, can cook gourmet meals, have visited all seven continents, or anything they’re proud of. They also want respect for their importance, be it as a civic leader, a job supervisor, a sports coach, a play director, or simply a crosswalk guard.

What they lack, most of the time, is acknowledgment. Bosses criticize and bark orders; friends and family members take each other for granted; conversations break down into arguments and bitterness. A bit of genuine admiration—a dollop of praise—can work wonders in these situations.

In conversations, people can become impatient to express themselves, and sometimes they interrupt to disagree or to crow about their own importance. People also complain easily about others’ behavior or beliefs. These habits harden others against us. It’s far better to show a genuine interest in those we encounter, listen carefully to them, and find things to compliment them on while de-emphasizing their faults.

Small gestures can make a large difference in the quality of interactions.