Iona Iverson's Rules for Commuting

Content Warning: This section of the guide describes the novel’s treatment of ageism, suicidal ideation, abuse in romantic relationships, nonconsensual pornography, and anti-LGBTQ bias and discrimination.

08:05 Hampton Court to Waterloo

Iona, a 57-year-old advice columnist, takes the train into London for work, as she does every day. She is wearing her favorite red suit, has her French bulldog, Lulu, with her, and calls goodbye to Bea before she leaves the house. Iona’s editor has tried to convince her to work from home, but she resists. Iona likes to have the same seat in the same carriage every day, and resists novelty in general. Iona works undisturbed, as everyone obeys the Second Rule of Commuting: “you never, ever talk” (4).

The man sitting across from her, whom she usually sees on her evening commute and has privately nicknamed the “Smart-But Sexist-Manspreader,” begins choking. The girl next to him pats him on the back helplessly. Iona attempts the Heimlich maneuver, but that fails to work.

08:13 Surbiton to Waterloo

Piers doesn’t usually take this train, but his schedule is off as his wife, Candida, fired the au pair and Piers had to help the children get ready for school.