Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) (2011) by Mindy Kaling is a collection of personal and humorous essays about the writer’s childhood and career in Hollywood. Kaling explores a wide range of topics, including her experiences navigating television network pitch meetings, body image, thoughts on dating and relationships, and even karaoke etiquette. Kaling shows the value of meaning and joyful relationships in pursuing one’s dreams. Kaling is the recipient of the 2021 National Medal of Arts, awarded by President Joe Biden. In 2013, Kaling was named one of Time magazine’s “100 Most Influential People.” She has received two Screen Actors Guild awards, a Tony Award, and six Primetime Emmy Awards. She is best known for playing Kelly Kapoor on the NBC television show The Office, which ran for nine seasons.

This guide uses the 2011 paperback edition published by Three Rivers Press.

Summary

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? offers insight into Kaling’s pathway toward a career in media after growing up with immigrant parents in Massachusetts. As a child, Kaling was studious, cautious, and enjoyed spending time with her parents. Her work ethic and devotion to doing the right thing helped to shape her views on relationships, comedy, and fame. She advocates for a focus on academics, monogamous relationships, and supportive friendships. The source material utilizes comedic techniques to infuse the work with humor while centering on three themes: Body Image and Self-Confidence, Pursuing a Career in Film Media, and The Power of Being a Nerd.

In Part 1, Kaling describes what it was like to be a chubby, non-athletic child, explaining that these characteristics continue to be a part of her life. She argues that people who idealize their high school experiences are often underperforming in their adult lives. Kaling was bullied by a boy for her weight, but she found friends that she connected with. Her first real friend was a young woman at her high school named Mavis, who held a shared interest in comedy. This section explores two potential pathways: The road of conformity or authenticity. By developing her friendship with Mavis, Kaling solidified that she wanted something different for herself.

Part 2 details Kaling’s initial experiences moving to New York after college with two friends. She struggled to find work, but was determined to make her time there a success. Her first job was as a babysitter for a wealthy family. The children loved her for her humor and willingness to talk about boy bands for hours. When they struggled to find acting work, Kaling and her friend Brenda wrote a script for a play based on actors Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, hoping to carve their own way. The young writers entered the play into a festival where it was well-received, leading to more opportunity. The play was a success, both opening doors for Kaling and introducing her to a few of the many challenges of creative work. After the play’s run on Off-Broadway, Kaling’s career took off, beginning with an interview with showrunner Greg Daniels.

Part 3 details Kaling’s time working on The Office and as a guest writer for Saturday Night Live. Kaling answers frequently asked questions about The Office and her castmates, and she shares a story about a time when she was almost fired. She also provides insight into her approach to comedy, writing habits, and thoughts about the industry.

Part 4 focuses on dating and relationships. Kaling challenges the culture of Los Angeles and casual dating. She provides a roadmap for leaving parties and how to talk about initial moments in a relationship. Kaling gives advice to men on how to present and take care of themselves, as well as how to properly put on their shoes. She argues that married people need to do a better job of enjoying and promoting committed relationships, and hopes that she will someday experience a marriage like her parents’.

In Part 5, the writer offers a few words on how Hollywood thinks about, and styles, women with large bodies. While at an important photo shoot, Kaling learned that all the dresses provided were size zero. Although she was upset, she turned the situation around with humor. Kaling emphasizes advocating for oneself and challenging others’ perceptions. She also shares photos of herself from her phone and offers a tip for exercising: Develop a highly detailed revenge fantasy.

Part 6 includes Kaling’s farewell to the reader and instructions for her funeral. She envisions a somber affair and provides strict rules for anyone attending. Mourners are not allowed to make phone calls, laugh, or invite any of Kaling’s ex-boyfriends. Kaling addresses any other questions she thinks her readers might have—including why she does not talk about whether women can be funny and why she was never in a spelling bee. This final section includes a eulogy written by Mark Schur for Mindy Kaling. Schur praises Kaling’s hard work and contributions to The Office.