Punching the Air

“Umi says / I was born with an / old, old soul.” 

In “Birth,” the narrative reveals Amal’s sense of self for the first time. He considers himself an old soul in a young body. This starts off the serious tone of the novel. It also highlights the disconnect between the image others see of Amal as a lazy, violent teenager and his own identity as a wizened individual.

“Their words and what they thought / to be their truth / were like a scalpel shaping me into / the monster / they want me to be.”

Amal feels that the trial is shaping him into a violent and monstrous person instead of portraying the artful, loving person he really is. He reveals this astute perception in “The Thinker,” realizing that people want to blame him for a crime he didn’t commit because he fits their image of what a monster should look like because he is Black.

“What was I supposed to say? / That I didn’t do it, over and over again / like it’s a number-one hit single?” 

After the jury convicts Amal for putting Jeremy Mathis in a coma, he feels as though there is no point in trying to scream his innocence anymore, a sentiment he expresses in “Refrain.” He doesn’t want to be another Black kid saying he didn’t do the crime as though his words meant anything. He knows that saying it won’t make a difference to his conviction.