Sorrow and Bliss

Content Warning: This section of the guide discusses mental illness, substance use and addiction, suicide and suicidal ideation, and child loss.

“They were mostly Patrick’s friends. I had lost touch with my own, from school and university and all the jobs I have had since, one by one as they had children and I didn’t and there was nothing left for us to talk about.”

Most of the people who attend Martha’s 40th birthday are Patrick’s friends, as she reflects on how she has lost touch with most of her own over the years. This passage foreshadows two important themes that will be explored in the book: The Isolating Nature of Mental Illness, as Martha reveals she has not made efforts to keep in touch with many people in her life; and The Complex Interaction Between Motherhood and Identity, as Martha touches upon her not having children as one of the distancing factors.

“[T]he object of her parties seemed to be filling the house with extraordinary strangers and being extraordinary in front of them […] It was not enough to be extraordinary to the three of us.”

Martha describes the weekend-long parties her mother would throw when they were younger, in which Celia was always the star. Martha’s observation about her mother’s motivation to throw these parties points to Celia’s need to be the center of attention—a tendency that Martha herself displays later on, though it manifests differently. In Martha’s case, she centers her own feelings and perspective to the point where she completely disregards the impact of experiences on other people’s lives.

“That day, which ended with Winsome on her hands and knees on the floor next to our mother’s chair, dabbing wine out of the carpet, it embarrassed us. Our mother embarrassed us.”

Celia’s alcohol consumption intensifies over time, to the point that her behavior when drunk routinely embarrasses her children. The incident in this passage not only highlights this, but also displays how Winsome is constantly cleaning up after her sister, literally and metaphorically, throughout the majority of their adult lives.