The Art of Gathering

Chapter 5 focuses on how to begin a gathering. For Parker, a gathering begins the moment guests are invited, even if that is long before the event actually commences. She argues that due to the power of anticipation, attendees “have been experiencing your gathering from what [she calls] the moment of discovery,” or when it is first announced (145). This power, she emphasizes, means that hosts can strengthen the purpose of a gathering by properly priming for the event—or ensure that if will fail if this step is overlooked. She cites a hypothetical “90 Percent Rule,” meaning that almost all of “what makes a gathering successful is put in place beforehand” (149).

Parker criticizes influencers like Martha Stewart who imply that preparing for a gathering is simply about getting the right appetizers, place settings, centerpieces, music, and other elements. Instead, she asserts that priming is about “preparing human beings and not crudités” (147). Two examples that Parker shares illustrate the importance of priming and how to effectively execute it. The highly creative London theater director Felix Barret was once mysteriously sent a key in the mail with no information about its purpose.