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71 pages 2 hours read

Amber Smith

The Way I Used to Be

Amber SmithFiction | Novel | YA | Published in 2016

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Symbols & Motifs

Suburbia

Suburban life is the backdrop to The Way I Used to Be, and for the characters, involves a number of invisible social forces that control the character. In many instances, these forces prevent the characters from speaking the truth. Eden laments the forced interactions she must have with Kevin’s sister, Amanda, because suburban life involves an inescapable closeness with neighbors:

We have no choice but to walk past his house to get to Mara’s. Kevin’s house. It hardly matters that he’s not there. I can feel my legs weakening the closer we get. I suddenly hate this neighborhood, loathe it, despise the way we’re all so close that we can’t get untangled from each other’s lives (35).

Eden also refers to the “smallness” of her neighborhood: “Our world was small—way too small—even for twelve-year-olds” (146). Trapped in this smallness, Eden cannot escape the reality that her rapist is always close by, in some sense.

Another feature of suburban life is the high school’s social hierarchy, which values jocks and popular kids over social misfits like Eden and her friends. When Eden dates Josh—a “popular” kid—she feels the sting of stepping outside of this hierarchy:

Obviously, I have stumbled onto the wrong side of the invisible but ever-present velvet rope.
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