The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love

In patriarchal culture, men are not offered the space to share or express their emotions. hooks recalls seeing a preacher emoting his love for his god while other men on the stage looked away, ashamed of the show of feeling. However, women are also blamed for perpetuating the idea that men are without sentiment. hooks explains that this blame—although it is justified—fails to present a full picture of the ways that patriarchy affects everyone. Women who were hurt by men project that pain onto their sons; in fact, women who live in societies with a greater focus on male dominance are more likely to abuse their male children. Some mothers stifle their sons’ emotions out of fear that their children will be unprepared for a patriarchal culture that rejects displays of feelings by men.

In turn, men direct anger at women for failing to intervene during their childhood. Mothers watch as their husbands emotionally, verbally, and physically abuse their sons, believing that it is the husband’s right and duty to enact discipline and domination. In turn, their sons resent them for their silence and failure to act. To fit into society, these men suppress their identities and emotions, further contributing to their negative self-esteem.