We Have Always Been Here: A Queer Muslim Memoir

Chapter 1 introduces Habib’s childhood in Lahore, Pakistan. Habib remembers being a young child and seeing a woman with a shaved head while out shopping for Eid dresses. This woman is rebellious, rides motorcycles, and laughs loudly with women—all things that the women in Habib’s life are not allowed to do. Habib believes that the women in their life are made to erase who they are for men, such as when their father legally changed their mother’s name without her consent.

Habib’s family has three girls, which places them in financial strain because they must provide a dowry for each of their three daughters. Their mother is regularly harassed on the street by men, even when she is accompanied by her small children. Their father works in an engineering firm and provides a comfortable middle-class life for the family. Many of Habib’s positive memories of Lahore are tied to its mosques, bazaars, and smells of food and spices.

Habib is sexually assaulted at the age of four and recalls it as the end of the “first act” of their life (17). Their mother is forced to leave them in the care of her husband’s male friend one day while she is out on errands.