We Have Always Been Here: A Queer Muslim Memoir

Habib is 13 when Nasir, 18, decides to reveal their arranged marriage. The arranged marriage shatters their dreams of becoming a famous author: If they marry Nasir, they will be tied to his home and the eventual children they have, unable to travel or devote time to a writing career.

Their forced marriage to Nasir causes them to reflect on the ways that men treated their mother and her friends in Pakistan. Habib likens men to “attack dogs without muzzles” (46). The women in their family spend their time avoiding men at all costs. The “gender-segregated bubble” Habib inhabited in Lahore made them much more comfortable due to their growing attraction to women (46). Habib feels that the marriage will ruin any chance of autonomy they might have had. Their family polices them in order to ensure that they stay away from material deemed immoral or practices that are frowned upon, such as wearing makeup. Marrying Nasir would traditionally transfer these policing duties to their husband.

When Habib asks their mother why they must marry Nasir, they do not get an answer. Habib believes in retrospect that their mother genuinely thought it was the best she could do for her child.